Len Jacobs

I was talking to a girl in the pub last night.She said,If you lost a few pounds,had a shave and got a hair cut,you'd look all right.I said if I did that I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you

Len Jacobs

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a women was born just by feeling her boobs."Really she said,"go on then ....try.After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said,"Come on what day was I born?I said "Yesterday"

Len Jacobs

I don't have anymore

Penny Reade (Macaulay)

That's a shame

Tom Diliberti

Keep up the good work, Len.  I just noticed that several entries from you and others have disappeared from our Forum. I am investigating.

Len Jacobs

O.K.One more.                 I went to a pub last night and saw a fat chic dancing on a table.I said,"Nice legs," The girl giggled and said,"do you really think so."I said,"definetly!Most tables would have collasped by now!"

Rick Srigley

Why older men don't get hired-

Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"

Older Man: "Honesty."

Human Resources Manager: "I don't really think honesty is a weakness."

Older Man: "I don't really give a shit what you think."

Tom Diliberti

Re: Missing Messages on this forum.

It appears that some random messages from the past several years were deleted, probably by mistake.I have been able to restore about a dozen (mostly jokes) from the past 90 days and will keep an eye out for future problems.

Thanks for your patience

Charlie2

.

Doug Vagts

A QUICK JOKE. THANKS TO THOSE WHO HAVE SUBMITTED THUS FAR. REALLY ENJOYED A SMILE AND GOOD LAUGH.

" Why does the milking stool have only three legs?  Because the cow has the udder." Hope everyone has begun 2015 in the best of health. Doug

Rebecca Beehler (Moore)

My husband Frank will be having open heart surgery at the end of the month to repair an anurizm, valve replacement and 2 or 3 by pass.  Please keep him in your prayers.  Thank you.

Len Jacobs

Got you covered from sunny Mexico

Doug Vagts

Have him in our prayers here in Ct. While serious operation, it is more common today. Doctors are skilled and it will be 100% successful. Doug

Tom Diliberti

Beckey. May God bless him.

Rebecca Beehler (Moore)

Thanks to all.  

Len Jacobs

Here's a joke :)

 
There I was sitting at the bar, staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
 
 "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY.  I can`t stand to see a man crying.” 
"This is the worst day of my life," I say.  "I'm a complete failure.  I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance.  I left my wallet in the cab I took home.  I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me.”
"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.   I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing!  But enough about me, how's your day going?"

Doug Vagts

Len, that was a very good joke. Its good reading a laugh of the day. Hope more 59'ers get involved. Doug

Bob Wiczorek

Anybody up for a Class of '59 lunch like we did last year?  Place would be Blue Goose again or anywhere else we decide.  Maybe early March time frame.  

Post your thoughts.

Tom Diliberti

Good one, Len.  Glad to see that there are still signs of life out there.

Don't know why the double entry.I deleted one.

Bob. I'm in.

Len Jacobs

RANDOM THOUGHTS AS WE AGE.             The biggest lie I tell myself is....I don't need to write that down,I'll remember it!              Wouldn't it be great if we could put our selfs in the dryer for ten minutes;come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller.       Last year I joined a Support group for procrastinators.We haven't met yet!     I don't trip over things,I do random gravity checks.      I don't need anger management .I need people to stop pissing me off!     Old age is coming at a really bad time!    I don't have gray hair.I have "wisdom highlights"I am just very wise.   My people skills are just fine.Its my tolerance to idiots that needs work.   If God wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them on my knees.            That's enough for today.Will post more in a day or so.Got a couple good ones from Beverly Derusha. Enjoy!!!

Tom Diliberti

Ok Len,

Besides being the Class of 59 Woodward Cruise ambassador you are now nominated as the Class Humor Czar.

Diane Young (Jacobs)

Bernie is on board for the lunch.  Just need date and time.

Len Jacobs

Thanks Tom.We need more mates to jump in.Beverly has some good ones.Claims doesn't know how to put them on the site.

Len Jacobs

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,a good find for many retires,I lasted less than a day.About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,unattractive,mean acting women walked into the store with her two kids yelling obscenities at them all through the entrance.   I said pleasently,"good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.Nice children you have there.Are they twins?The ugly women stopped yelling long enough to say,"hell no they ain't twins.The oldest one is nine and the other one is seven.Why the hell would you think they are twins? are you blind or stupid? So I replied,"I am neither blind or stupid ma'am I just couldn't believe someone would sleep with you twice.Have a good day and thank you for shopping At Wal-Mart.My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.                          I got this from Beverly DeRusha,Thanks Bev!

Len Jacobs

More Random Thoughts.        Iam going to retire and live off my savings.Not sure what I will do the second week.     when did it change from "we the people"To screw the people.      Duct tape can't fix stupid... But it can muffle the sound.     The kids text me "plz"which is shorter than please.I text them back"no"which is shorter than "yes".      Of course I talk to myself,sometimes I need expert advise!   Oops! Did  I really roll my eyes out loud?       At my age getting lucky means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for.     Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree...that makes it a plant which means chocolate is salad!      And of course...have I sent this to you already.....or did you send it to me.             That's all folks!

Rick Srigley